After a long flight to southern europe, I finally stepped out of the plain and onto the firm ground that was Macedonia. Why you may ask was in Macedonia, well the answer you see was to speak to the most amazing, elusive creature of all... The talking donkey.
After making his acting debut in Bridgeman COC's highly acclaimed "JESUS" christmas production in 2009, the donkey also know as "Aloysius the Great" (His insistance, not my own) just fell off the face of the earth.
After much late night google searching, and dot matrix printing I finally managed to track him down to a small seaside town called Stip, a harbour city in Macedonia. So off I went to speak to him on his thoughts of being allegedly left out of Bridgeman COC's Christmas Production "The Story of The Christmas Story"
After a ride in the back of a goat powered rickshaw, I finally arrived at a small whitewashed sand stone building with a blue Barn door at the front. I knocked and was greeted by Aloysius, wearing dark 80's style Ray Bans, and an incredibly beautiful donkey fur tan. He smiled a million dollar smile (He had obviously had heaps of dental work) and welcomed to his humble abode all the while offering me a carrot juice (which I turned down)
He sat opposite me and waited patiently for me to begin asking my questions. I noticed that his forehead was quite smooth, consist with someone using botox. I decided not to ask him about that. So I began.
"Thank you for meeting up with me and agrreing to the interview" I said.
He nodded and acknowledged the fact that he wouldn't be where he was today without his many fans.
ME: "So whats been happening in your life since your acting debut"
DON: "It's been an incredible whirlwind. I've just gone from one job to the next, building my career like crazy."
ME: "What type of jobs?"
DON: "All acting. I just recently finished shooting my own side story of the BABE franchise. You know the talking pig?"
ME: "I do."
DON: "You know he doesn't actually talk?"
ME: "Yeah he's just a pig."
DON: "Exactly. Now if he were a donkey that would be a totally different story. Anyway I got that movie out of the way. It's going to be a laugh a minute. It's the story of a young donkey bought up by a group of humans who get taken hostage by a trigger finger happy terrorist, and it falls to the donkey, Me, to save them. It's like Rambo meet's die hard, meets Babe, meets racing stripes."
ME: "sounds great!"
DON: "Yeah we filmed it in Uzbekistan. In Uzbekistani. Don't know if it'll get an english release."
ME: "That's a disappointment. You know how we're big fan's of yours."
DON: "Yeah, but you'll get to see my other stuff. I've filmed a Bollywood dance movie about a donkey who enters the matrix called "Donk Matrix", I've done education videos on how to safely eat grass when grazing, and a video on the finer points of being stubborn."
ME: "So why the move to Macedonia?"
DON: "Well, and I don't want to sound like I'm boasting, but 97% of the population are my fans. That's a large percentage of my entire fan base. It just made sense really."
ME: "right. So what's your status on Bridgeman's upcoming christmas production. There has been a bit of speculation about whether or not you are going to be in it or not. Can you put any of those rumours to bed?"
DON: Long Pause "This is a painful issue to talk about. Because as much as I wanted to make an appearance this year, Mike hasn't actually offered me a part. I initially tried out for Joseph, and he thought I was better suited as being the donkey."
ME: "So there is a talking donkey in this years production."
DON: "From what I know, Yes, but it won't be me."
ME: "Why not? That's like who you are."
DON: "I know right? Basically after the auditions I had to have a think about whether or not I wanted the role of the Donkey. I was pretty bummed I didn't get the part of Joseph, but getting offered the Donkey still gave me a good chance at being in the production."
ME: "So what did you do?"
DON: "The only sensible thing. I called Mike and I said, listen, I'll play your stupid talking, totally unrealistic talking donkey, but I'm going to expect a six figure paycheck come the end of the production."
ME: "and?"
DON: "Well he said he found someone, two people, actually who would do it for nothing, and who were infact better actors than myself."
ME: "Two people?"
DON: "Yeah as in not me, but two human beings. He's getting two people to play a talking donkey. It's just stupid. Who is going to believe that?"
ME: "I can see your point. Did you make a lower counter offer?"
DON: "No! You don't make a profitable career by offering your services for nothing."
ME: "No, you make Uzbekistani movies about a gun totting donkey?"
DON: "Your point?"
ME: "Just sounds like a bit of a career killer to me. That's all"
DON: "I can clearly tell, cause my donkey sense is tingling, that you're jealous of me."
ME: "Yeah! Sure. Who does a donkey dance anyway?"
DON: "Much like Batman from the 1970's TV series."
ME: "And you did that in India, for a movie?"
DON: "Yeah. Donk Matrix."
ME: "Right. Sounds lame."
DON: "What?
ME: "Nothing. So what else is in the works?"
DON: "Just between you and me, I'm waiting to hear back from Peter Jackson about the Hobbit, and a couple of, dare I say, big name studios, about roles in Die Hard Five, Superman, the reboot of Spider man, and a starring role in the last Twilight."
ME: "Sounds promising."
DON: "I've been waiting for a while now. I suppose I'll just wait a little longer until they get back to me. I could really do with the money."
And that's where I left the incredible actor, in his house to wallow in his own sadness and failed career. Sad really, but as Mike said "It is his own fault, the decisions he made since "JESUS" have ruined him. I had hoped and dearly looked forward to working with him again, he is such a talented actor. But it doesn't look like it will be. I had hoped to be able to help out his career as well. But alas. I can't be everything to everyone!"
We say well said by the writer/director/producer Mike Kalinowski, and look forward to the next exclusive he throws us in the lead up to "The Story of The Christmas Story" Coming December 12 2010, at Bridgeman COC.
Until next time, hopefully not from Macedonia
Bridgeman Creative Insider.
